Journal

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*He* responded this morning, and I have hope again. Sometime between last night and this morning, it once again clicked for me that what we had was real. Suddenly I believe again in the vision of us meeting again four and seven years later. I believe in summer sparring. I believe in meeting his cats and feeling his hugs again.

Today, I am coworking with Dr. Em. It's so peaceful here, with the window looking out into the front garden street and a desk with pens and succulents. There are shelves and little tables around me full of books and yarn. I hope college is like this, too. Just peaceful and ambient. I was able to grind out a lot of work today on the virtual AI escape room. Soon we'll be able to play through it as a test product. I hope Dr. Chan likes it.

I'm looking forward to pride this weekend and the beach trip in 2 weeks. Summer is turning out so good. I've loved hanging out with all my friends, and I have more faith in the longevity of my friendship with *him*, and that is reassuring.

If I hear someone call me your acquaintance... I think I'll lose my mind. That word cannot encapsulate the things you told me about your past. Do you tell acquaintances that you're two sides of the same coin, both made of the same mind, that you've never met someone so like you? Do you tell acquaintances about childhood, and heartbreak, and all the things you wanted to do?

I know it's improbable that anything has happened. But my level of concern is unstoppable, and you can't blame me for worrying. Maybe we shouldn't make so many jokes about death, cause we seem to get pulled closer than the rest of the world. I hear you telling me that you'll text tonight, if you don't die, and it breaks my heart every time. I hear you telling me about the cops and the guns they pulled on you and I know you'll never be the person that they're looking for, but I also know that they might still shoot.

It's been a week since the radio silence, could be explained if I was just an aquaintance. But after everything that happened, I can't help but worry.